Foreigner

I have gone from living in a foreign country to working at one.
Just got a job calling people for a major financial planning company.
So mind boggling to enter that culture.

I can't wait to redefine color in business casual.

Litterally I call people all day - most of the time I get a voice mail so I"m making like 75 calls an hour. The good thing is that I don't have to sell anything.
I really don't mind the work - as long as I don't have to do it forever.

Hopefully Doubting

Hope is a crazy notion isn't it?
Why do we muster strength to dive back into hoping when we should have learned from previous incidents that nothing changes?
Like if I touch a hot stove and get burned shouldn't that be the last time I ever touch a hot stove? You would think that I would learn not to.
Still - there is this hope that pushes us to continue.
Hope based on - whatever a person chooses - for me it's God's truth and goodness.
Hope propels me back into the fray - try again - this time will be better.
Still - there is a niggling thought - What if this time will be just like last time?
What if God isn't true and good - what if it is God's will to make me miserable?
Then what if I need to continue hoping and be crushed 15 times before the object of my hope is found?

I hope my doubt is proved wrong. I hope that I do not have to find that God wants me to be crushed. I hope the God I believe in doesn't want me to face and learn from my past over and over.

I hope.

from Ireland to Omaha

Yes - I am back in the United States of America!
Yesterday was my brother's birthday so my parents decided to take an impromptu trip out to omaha to see him - this weekend.
Crazy Family!

mental suicides - the gym class kind

my touching both sides has become a mental and emotional sprinting marathon of late.
I'm in Romania.
the sides I'm going between in my personality are - artist and regular functioning being.
can I exist in both relms without cracking up? evidence from the world would say no - you either live a life that is wholly devoted to art - you drink it- you can't live with out it - you are defined and define yourself by it
-or-
you live outside of iart - an admirer but never ruled by it you find other things to occupy your mind - you relate well with 'normal' people and you do not scare them - you are easy and make money.

Are things really that black and white?

Home

Where is my home?
Chicago,
Ireland,
America,
Dublin,
My family,
friends,
mentors,
lovers,
my head,
Iowa,
Franscisco Ave,
Covenant Church,
Paddock Ln,
Baggot St Lower,
Wexford,
Ballycullen?

As I face a calander rapidly erroding;
I wonder where do I belong?
Where do I feel 'at home'?
If home is where your heart is -
Where is my heart?

Alive and Kicking

Yes I was in the hospital - Wexford General Hospital to be exact.
Severe internal back pain brought me to casualty at 11:30pm last Thursday night.
8 needle pricks, 1 bag of fluids, 6 urine samples, and 3 long days later I was released with no conclusions made other than I have no acute problems with my body.
No acute problems is definately good enough for me.
So I packed up my bags and headed for holiday in Galway.

My Feet over the Atlantic

The leaders from the summer Keith, Luke, Mark, Becca G., Becca S., and I met up in Galway city spent a night and day there; then took a ferry to the largest of the Aran Islands: Inis Mor. Population 800 this island has replaced the Swiss Alps as the most beautiful place on earth - at least in my opinion.

Cliffs on the coast of Inis Mor


The leaders minus Luke

Overall, the three day holiday was so relaxing and I never wanted to leave the island.
I hope to one day return to my Inis Mor (big sappy sigh).

What am I doing?

This is my last week in Dublin
I move to Greystones on Saturday.
Naturally I am relfective on my time here.
After months of struggling with this place
I am finally sad to leave it.
Funny how things like that happen.
Looking back on my life I would say that is how I face most change.
I resist it - kicking and screaming -
Thinking I know best - the old way is how life goes.
Even though I went into my time here with open heart and mind.
I still struggled to keep my heart caught up with my environment.

I'll let you know how things in Greystones go.

explanation

I am water.
Water is vanishing, unpredictable yet able to be harnessed, a vapor, a solid, a liquid, dependant yet independent, abundant yet vanishing, vast, sensual

Water burns, cools, refreshes, gives life takes life away, moves, falls, evaporates, devours, useful, precious, ebbs and flows.

I am water.

my new friend

I am water

Christ the Lord is risen and...
the residence I live in just got broadband!

both sides

Lately I have really felt the stress of running back and forth between sinner and saint. Areas of my life that I took for granted are now slapping me in the face like that cartoon where the character steps on a loose board and the other end smacks him straight on.
It's not a bad feeling to have in fact I love it - I just want to go back to feeling perfect.

Here are some picts as I have been promising:

the average day

hmm...

pray for Bantry

Not Dead yet

I have these great intentions of writing this really deep and beautiful blog -
its just not in me lately.
Spring is springing here and there are random dafodills everywhere.

I promise to deliver a really juicy entry wit pictures soon.

but fyi I'm still alive.

Congradualations to the 4 people who got the quiote from empire records they have won the giant prize of a lifetime supply of ME!

What's with Today, Today?

First person to email me the movie reference wins a GIANT prize!

Anyway - I am in love with Dublin today.
Luke and I went to Trinity University to see the Book of Kells - which is the four gospels writen and decorated in the 6th or 7th centry. The book itself was really neat - but the most neatestest part was the "Long Room" - which is this massive 'long' room with thousands of really old books and marble busts lining the wall.


I would vist there often but for the eight euro they charge to get in. I had warm memories of attending college where students were granted privliges to buildings after hours - and thought maybe I would study old books at Trinty University just so I would be allowed on such sacred ground after hours. It makes me think of ghosts. Students of past years how their labor over working/playing on sacred school grounds seeps into the walls and creates 'ghosts' for present students to graple with. Anyone who studied theatre at NWC knows exactly what I am talking about.

Anyway - it's near five and I'm starving - so my love of this computer is dwindling.

Birthday!

I am two months old today!
I arrived in Dublin on January 10th!

Pictures will appear shortly
but for now - read - Ezkiel 36:25-26 I think it will replace the 2 Cor. Verse in my profile there on the right.

Cheers!

Not on MSN

Today as I was sitting in a training seminar for a camp I will work at over easter the sun shone in through the windows. I longed to be outside and walking around. Once we were released (1/2 an hour late, Irish time is not by the clock) I strolled towards the shoping district to take in people and wander around the shops, lusting over fantastic European shoes. As I walked along a side street I began to realize that none of the shops were open and people were gathering in clumps at my intended destination.
Once I arrived at the major clump I stood on a statue pedistal to learn what was blocking the crowd.
Turns out that to my unawares (I have had my head in the ground) a march by "Orange Men" aka the "Love Ulster" aka the "Unionists" was planned with marching bands and what not. Well I am not very versed on Irish politics but shortly put some 'hooligans' threw a fit, police (garda) were hurt, rubish burned and some chaos insued.
Not that anyone outside of Ireland and the UK would know.
Once I made my way back to my residence - avoiding major streets - I came up here to my little wireless spot to get a clue as to what the ruccus was about and I discovered that only Irish and BBC web sites were writing on it and the television could careless.
I don't quite know what to make of all of it the violence I saw - and the lack of media attention - However I have realised that I need to pay attention to the world around me and see that very presently the Irish are torn up about their identity.

go to http://breakingnews.iol.ie/news/story.asp?j=173973226&p=y7397393z
for the story.

My area of town about 5 blocks away is peaceful but empty.
My phone was on its last dot of battery so unfortunately I couldn't take any pictures.

Roof top experience

I have found a secret place that has free internet!
The sun is shining - I'm all alone
the wind is blowing, spring calls to me

Later today I will explore the shore with a friend.

God's grace abounds

Rugby, tea, and storytelling

The name actually says it all this time.
Saturday afternoon in the pub watching rugby
writting my thoughts down
and drinking tea - with milk -
Rugby is a fantastically violent sport - and satisfying because the clock never stops.

Really I'm just here to sit and be - to let the week's bussiness leakout.

two exciting developments:
1) I get to lead my teammates in a workshop on telling our stories.
2) I get to teach a drama class to 6-8 year olds on saturdays.
3) I am going to take an acting class.

Absolutely

Me

the revolving depth of the duality

a teacher here challenged me to seek the beauty of the Irish and their land
another challenged me to ask God to reveal himself to me -
-thus revealing my sin and need for Christ's righteousness.

The glory of God in this land is its ablity to encorporate beauty into every aspect.
The Irish language (which I did not know existed) is layer upon layer of lyric mystic poetry.
The land is eternally green (due to the moderate climate, green never dies)
The people are gourgeous - physically fair skined and dark hair
- but the true beauty is what you read in their eyes
- their eyes speak to my heart and linger in the vision of my mind.
I will see this kind of beauty in Christ's eternal glory.

On the other side - my internal world continually screams chaos
- as usual my propensity towards the dramatic guides my heart.
Standard practice, as I daily sommersault through my brain, is to show my shortcomings no grace. Well this past week I got really sick - first strep and then a sinus cold. I came really short - on all kinds of comings - and God spoke to me through others taking care of me and showed me to show myself grace.
Now I am all better and God and I are just peachy!

I'm not dead

Hello!
I have not blogged in a while - I will soon -

pictures!

Hill of Tara - and me
Trim Castle
me at Newgrange
The Dart station at night -

Fancy Title

Today I traveled to three historic spots in the Irish countryside.
By countryside I mean about 15 minutes out side of Dublin are fields of lush green grass dotted with white fluffy sheep, and narrow winding roads.
The first place we visited was Newgrange. Newgrange is a neolithic tomb of quite amazing construction. Predating the Pyrimids by 500 years, this tomb is of amazing construction. From a distance looking like any other grassy knoll as you draw near you realize that the hill is actually a grass covered man made place for the barial of the ashes of this acient culture. The tomb has one narrow opening and a "sun roof" of sorts. This opening is perfectly alighned so that on the winter solstice the sun from two minutes to nine until 15 after nine shoots a beam directly into the tomb and onto an altar - so that if you r head was placed on the altar you would be struck by a slear view of the sun in all of it's glory.
This place was amazing and my words do not even begin to do it justice. Check it out here: http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm

Next we hopped into the car and winded our way to the Castle of Trim. This castle is the first that the Normans built when they placed their claim on Ireland - and it is also the site of the filming of Braveheart. Seeing this castle was absolutely amazing mainly because the Irish do not place so many restrictions on visitors as in America - ie we were allowed to climb all over crazy places. I hope to get a pictue up soon of this castle - which was every kids dream exploration.

Last of all we drove to the Hill of Tara - a place that had significance back in the time of Irish Kings. http://www.knowth.com/tara.htm Kind hard to discribe what exactly we saw and it was all rather "Fellowship of the Rings" ish. But it is also the site of St. Patrick's victory over the druid priests. I read the prayer that I quoted bellow and so much came into perspective.

As we drove home, exhausted I sat in the passenger seat (on the left) and pondered on the history of Ireland and why I have landed here. Since the times of neolithic travelers Ireland has been under another country's thumb. They never asked for anything or bothered anybody but somehow in the world's hunger for land aquisition they have always been under possesion of another. How do I as an outsider share Christ with this people group who have always been taken? Well that is not exactly how I want to articulate myself - none the less I sit here my mind is thick with things to sort out. And I will be sure to share it with you in another blog of an equally fitting title.

Hello from Dublin!

Oh my goodness!
Here I am!
Really exhausted and overwehlmed - but happy none the less.
My seat on the flight over was up-graded to world club which was really fun and just fueled my excitement.
you can see what I'm talking about here: http://www.airlinequality.com/Product/BA_C_Seat.htm
Kind of hard to see - but pretty swank none the less.

Here at my destination my accomadations are pretty nice with lots of storage and a private bath. about the size of a typical dorm room but nicer.
Once I am not so over wehlmed but just wehlmed I'll write more.